Our latest agency update is more of the same. Just more waiting. Part of what is making the wait so hard is just not knowing where things are at or if they are moving forward. There are lots of people involved. Different time zones. Different governments. And different expectations. Basically, we don’t know much. But we do know that, as is the case with adoption, sometimes things go super smoothly, and sometimes they don’t. So our mama and papa bear are on guard all. the. time. Some days I feel like we’re putting on armor, and we’re not even sure if we’ll need it. This all may seem really pessimistic to some, but we feel like it’s better to be prepared, and know that adoption isn’t always rainbows and unicorns, than to sit here expecting perfection and not get it. Bottom line is if everything goes swimmingly, then great. But if it doesn’t, and Nate and I need to get involved, we will. In fact, we have no problem doing that at all.
But for today, we wait. And God preps us a little more for tomorrow. He’s giving us new connections, a fiercer desire to follow His lead, and the strength to put into actions some things we never thought we’d do. That’s been an underlying theme throughout this whole process though. We tell God “This is what we want. How we want it. And when.” Followed by periodic statements beginning in “And by the way, we’d never…”
“…adopt a special needs child.”
“…adopt older than an infant.”
“…stay in Africa longer than necessary”
But God’s in the business of changing hearts. And He does. So now we laugh a little if one of us says “I don’t think we’ll ever…” because at this point we consider that a prayer of invitation to soften parts of our heart that obviously need it. Kind of like when I prayed “break my heart for what breaks yours” over and over and over for the last 18 months. He’ll do that too. So be ready for it.
In the mess of all the unknown three things that have remained constant: 1. God will complete this work that He has started, and is giving us the strength and support to do what He has asked of us. 2. Elsa is worth it. Whatever is ahead, whether it smooth or dreadful, she is more than worth it. Every child is. And 3. Nate and I are on the same page, and willing to do whatever is asked of us. Knowing those three things means that we can move forward each day. And that’s what will get her home.
SO beautifully said. I love this post and am praying for smooth sailing and for you to get Elsa home SOON!!
Comment by jenny marrs — July 26, 2012 @ 7:44 pm
Ashley,
“That’s spiritual maturity” was my first thought and response to all that you wrote because that is EXACTLY what shines through. You’ve gone through the refining and come out with a deeper, stronger, faith. It is palpable. You’re feasting on the meaty things of the Gospel, the kind of things that stir the Father’s heart. You’re walking it, pioneering it, forging it, fighting through it, praying it out. It’s tender and fierce all in the same breath. God’s handprint is all over this and the words leap off the page, stirring a response in your reader.
It’s rare. It’s precious, and it’s hard won, this faith that you’re living. You’ve tasted and seen too much to turn back. I get it! I so do! The last three things you cited made me want to say a resounding, “yes” and then start chanting it…because those last 3 things? They’re what count. Breakthrough’s a comin’!
Reminds me of the Hillsong song, “I have decided, I have resolved to wait upon you Lord. My rock and redeemer, shield and rewards, I’ll wait upon You Lord.” And the chorus is the best, “You’ll COME! Let your glory fall as You respond to us. Spirit reign, flood into our thirsty hearts again. You’ll come. You’ll come.” Don’t even get me started on the bridge…’cause that’s what you’re living and determined to do in the life of an orphan, who is a daughter and just doesn’t know it yet.
Comment by Rory — July 26, 2012 @ 9:47 pm